July 8, 2009: Fawlty Towers never really went away
I spotted an advertisement the other day offering “Fawlty Tower”
breaks for £89. It turns out that this is for a weekend break with actors
putting on performances from the TV show during your stay. I don’t think Basil
will be checking you in, or Manuel serving at table, but experience says that
British hotels don’t always need actors to give the impression. Many put on a Fawlty Towers
experience without really trying.
With the economic downturn and poor exchange rates
compelling people to look to our own resorts for their holidays, this should be
an excellent time for British resorts and hotels to put on their best and to
show how good they can be. Unfortunately, there are many that refuse to change.
No so long ago, we stayed in a seaside hotel where the
owner’s terrifying wife stood at the dining room door, arms akimbo, and chided
you if you didn’t arrive at exactly 8 pm for dinner. She then told you where to
sit and made it clear that you had no choice in the matter. The menu offered
two choices of starter, two of main courses and two desserts; you told the
hapless waitress (who obviously saw how awful the place was and tried to be
sympathetic) what you wanted and it duly arrived. But because all the meals
were being cooked at the same time, the wait could be prolonged.
Before all that started however, you had to check in, and
this was a daunting process of its own. On arrival, you were told that the
porter would carry your bags to the room when he was ready, and when you
offered to take your own bags you were told, in no uncertain terms, that it was
not allowed – ‘you won’t get it in the lift’. When we pointed out that we were
on the ground floor we were met with an icy glare and told that it made no
difference. We were obviously marked down as trouble-makers from that moment.
Don’t these people ever stay in hotels overseas? Where you
come and go as you please, eat your meals when you want to, and pick from
extensive menus?
As I said earlier, this is a priceless opportunity for the
British tourist industry to put its house in order. They should put on a great
show now, so that they can build a brighter future for themselves, for us and
(go on, I might as well join in) for the environment.
July 7, 2009: Re-nationalization of the power industry
News that the government is to re-nationalize the East Coast main line shows that taking control of industries is possible when the government has a mind to do it. Now, I am the last one to suggest that this government (or any government) is capable of running anything directly. Look at the mess they make of everything they tackle. But look back to the days of the Central Electricity Generating Board. This built and operated our power stations and, in spite of claims that the plant was expensive, the industry worked very efficiently indeed. The CEGB was staffed by trained, experienced engineers who were respected by their employees, and power stations ran efficiently and safely. (Of course, accidents did happen, but power stations are inherently dangerous and in spite of the best possible care being taken, sometimes things do go wrong. But when they did, the effects were minimal and reliability was genrally high.).
No excessive profiteering, no exorbitant salaries, and a thoroughly planned, professionally staffed, smooth-running organization that delivered the goods.
You didn't have to keep switching from one supplier to another to make sure you got the best deal, because the profiteers were kept out and you knew that the electricity you bought was at the best possible price. All records were open and you could check.
In conclusion, I should say that the East Coast saga is not to be followed slavishly - the news that the line will be put out to tender again next year is amazing. What will all this cost? Dithering around solves no problems and just wastes money. I am not suggesting that this is the way to go with the power industry - I say that a clear-cut decision should be taken to put the industries under the control of a single body, directly answerable to the government. And once that decision is taken we should say, enough is enough; we've tried privatization and it didn't work, so we'll stay with a CEGB-like structure..
July 6, 2009: A misguided bunch
I have no doubt that the good people in the World
Development Movement (WDM) are a well-intentioned lot, but a friend has sent me
one of their pronouncements that made my toes curl.
Here’s the gist of what they
say: Creating a new coal plant in Kent could lead to 100,000 more
people in the developing world losing their water supply during dry seasons. In
addition, the controversial plan could be responsible for up to 60,000 more
people suffering from drought in Africa, while
about 30,000 others could lose their homes every year due to coastal flooding.
As if this isn’t bad enough, the WDM claims that up to 40,000 more people could
be exposed to malaria, and that 50,000 more people could go hungry due to
drought and lower crop yields if the plans gain approval. Deborah Doane, director of the WDM, said:
"These figures reveal, for the first time, the devastating human impact of
building a new Kingsnorth coal power station. The world's poorest people will
lose their water supply, food and homes, and ultimately will die as a direct
result of our desire to burn more coal.”
The claim is that this entire cataclysm will be
brought about by the building of a single coal-fired power station at
Kingsnorth.
I am serious! But I’m also
bemused, as was my correspondent, by the possibility that anybody in their
right minds could believe this gobbledygook, this hogwash.
Unfortunately, statements like
these are picked up and bandied about by people who are prepared to believe
anything, and before long a whole generation of schoolchildren are brainwashed
to believing it too. Great kids, but as misguided as were the equally great kids
who flocked to the banners of the Hitler Youth. Ruthless people exploit them
mercilessly.
July 3, 2009: Science was fun!
I’ve recounted my early experiments with rockets; now
here’s a tale of my forays into electrical engineering. NOW DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME!
There was a time when Health and Safety hadn’t been
discovered. You could buy interesting chemicals in pharmacies, and buy books
with descriptions of how to make really interesting things. One of my earlier
experiments was making a Wimshurst machine: I cut petal-shaped strips of
aluminium foil and glued them in a radial pattern to an old LP record. I then
built a supporting frame and used Meccano to make an axle with pulleys and a
rubber band linked to a winding handle. The collecting brushes were made of
thin copper wire. I built two Leyden jars out
of jam-jars lined inside and out with more aluminium foil. (My mother despaired
about my careless use of kitchen foil, which was then quite expensive.) When I
cranked the handle the discs spun and generated big fat sparks which scared our
cat out of its wits and seriously worried my mother.
I then moved on to making shocking coils from two doorbell
transformers connected back to back (mains stepped down by one, then up in the
other). You could get a shock off the output, but not a serious one!
I put this contraption to use, first to stop ants crawling
up the pear tree in our back garden, and then to keep dogs away from our metal
dustbin. The ants had been a problem every summer, attacking the fruit, but
when I fixed two bare metal wires round the trunk of the tree, spaced about
1/16th of an inch apart and wired to the transformers, the creatures
drew little blue sparks from their feet as they bridged the gap, and fell to
the ground. (Strange thing, we never had ants visiting again, many years after
the wires were removed. I think some sort of race memory told succeeding
generations that this was a magic tree, to be revered and avoided and I
imagined columns of ants crawling by, bowing low and making obeisance as they
passed by.)
The dustbin was more alarming. I had read in my boys' book
of science about keeping stray dogs away from bins by electrifying them. (It
was an American book: we didn’t have stray dogs in England, but that didn’t make any
difference to me, it was the principle of the thing that mattered.) I stood the
bin on wooden boards and wired it to my shocking coil.
I eventually got bored, waiting for non-existent dogs to
come bay, and wandered off, leaving the thing wired up.
My mother was of genteel stock and she was standing by the
kitchen window the next morning when I was at school and the dustman arrived.
When I got home, did she read the riot act to me! My giggling sister told me
that Mum had learned a set of words she had never heard before as the man stood
at the window and raved at her.
Science really was fun in those days.
July 2, 2009: The heatwave
I’m getting a bit scared that the events that feature in
my new novel will have become a reality before the book is published!
The following was reported yesterday: ‘The drain on the
electricity supply during the record high temperatures experienced in July
caused the National Grid to issue two power warnings within a week … parts
of central London were left without power for a second day after a series of
network failures … although the failures were not caused by the weather itself,
the system had experienced unusual demand for air conditioning and extra
refrigeration. The gap between summer and winter usage is large, but
narrowing’.
A spokesman for National Grid said ‘last week we informed
the market that we needed them to generate more electricity or use less because
we are getting close to our safety margin, which we do not disclose’. Demand on
the hottest July day had been 44,000 megawatts. This compares to 42,000
megawatts last year, when the average temperature was 18°C. (Peak demand
in winter is 62,000 - 65,000 megawatts.)
During this month's heatwave, emergency oil-fired power stations in Kent and
Hampshire were fired up even though the energy they produce is very expensive -
45p per kWh. The average householder pays 14p. Naturally, the increased costs
will be passed on to consumer.
Need I point out that if we had kept our coal-fired power
stations running and properly maintained, and if we weren’t allowing our
nuclear stations to slowly die, we could have handled this without resorting to
using expensive imported oil?
Need I remind everybody that I have consistently warned
that the madness of the Greens will cost us all dearly?